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Marriage Strengthening Tip #19: "The Crazy Cycle", Part 1

Marriage Strengthening Tip #19: "The Crazy Cycle", Part 1

Loving married couple hugging

Dr. Emerson Eggerich and his wife Sarah have given us all an incredible gift of how to better understand and meet our spouse's greatest need!  In their book Love & Respect, they take that final statement in the Apostle Paul's premier teaching on doing marriage God's way (Ephesians 5:21-33), and distill it down to husbands, LOVE your wife, and wives, RESPECT your husband!  They ask the question: Now why would the Word of God have to command men to love their wife and command women to respect their husband?  Because men have natural tendancies that help them respect their wife, but have to work at demonstrating their love for them.  And women have natural tendencies that help them love their husbands but have to work at demonstrating their respect for them.  The Eggerich's speak of the "tit-for-tat" pattern that all couples fall prey to wherein he handles her unlovingly which causes her to respond to him disrespectfully which causes him to handle her unlovingly thereby causing her to react disrespectfully , and on and on.  They call that the crazy cycle.  They then call upon all couples to reverse that cycle by husbands working harder at demonstrating their love for their wife which causes wives to respond respectfully to their husband, which...(you get the drift).  They claim that a husband's number one need in his marriage is to feel respect from his wife and a wife's number one need is to feel secure in her husband's love.  I agree!

The operative word in all of this is demonstrate.  Husbands and wives who are serious at all about Jesus as Lord do in fact love/respect one another--at least in their heart of hearts.  Demonstrating it is another thing and a long-term learning process.  I will unpack some of what that process looks like in this Marriage Tips series about love and respect.

One of our marriage mentorship programs can enroll you in that school of learning to reverse the crazy cycle.  Check it out today via our homepage!

Paul Spasic

Director,

Marriage Mentors