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Marriage Strengthening Tip # 19, The Crazy Cycle, Part 1

Marriage Strengthening Tip # 19, The Crazy Cycle, Part 1

Dr. Emerson Eggerich and his wife Sarah have given us all an incredible gift of how to better understand and meet our spouse's greatest need!  In their book Love & Respect, they take that final statement in the Apostle Paul's premier teaching on doing marriage God's way (Ephesians 5:21-33), and distill it down to husbands, LOVE your wife and wives, RESPECT your husband!  They ask the question: Now, why would God have to command a man to love his wife and command a wife to respect her husband?  Because men have natural tendencies that cause them to respect their wife but have to work at demonstrating their love for them.  And women have natural tendencies that help them love their husband, but have to work at demonstrating their respect for them.  The Eggerich's speak of the "tit-for-tat" pattern that all couples fall prey to wherein he handles her unlovingly which causes her to repsond to him disrespectfully which causes him to handle her unlovingly thereby causing her to react disrespectfully, and on and on.  They call that the crazy cycle.  They then call upon all couples to reverse that cycle by challenging husbands to work harder at demonstrating their love to their wife and challenging wives to work harder at demonstrating their respect for their husband.  That reverses the cycle to one of love-respect-love-respect, and on and on.  They also claim that a husband's number one need in his marriage is to feel respect from his wife and a wife's number one need is to feel secure in her husband's love.  I agree!

The operative word here is of course--demonstrate!  Husbands and wives who are at all serious about Jesus as Lord generally love/respect one another--at least in their heart of hearts.  Demonstrating that is another thing and a life-long learning process.  I will unpack some of what that process looks like in this Marriage Tips series about love & respect.

One of our marriage mentorship programs can quickly enroll you in that school of learning how to reverse the crazy cycle.  Check it out today via our home-page!

Paul Spasic

Director,

Marriage Mentors